Breaking
by Amanda Hawthorn
Summary: she had been shaken by Michael's reaction tonight, they all had… but none of them had expected the once stoic Michael Westen to break into shuddering sobs the second he laid eyes on Fiona. Spoilers for 7x07


**Disclaimer: Burn Notice does not belong to me unfortunately.**

**A/N: Huge thanks to Purdy's Pal and JediSkysinger for reading through this for me and for making me smile every day. Extra thanks as always to JediSkysinger for finding the time to give this a BETA despite her busy schedule. Lastly love and thanks to DaisyDay, Noelle and all the Burner girls on twitter and FB**

**Spoilers for 7x07**

_**She had been shaken by Michael's reaction tonight, they all had… but none of them had expected the once stoic Michael Westen to break into shuddering sobs the second he laid eyes on Fiona.**_

Breaking

An air of calm had fallen over the Westen household, something that had been welcomed by the two people who watched the sleeping figure on the couch. Each of them had felt the impact of the helplessness that had encompassed Michael Westen… but no one more than the woman who stood watch over him like some silent, unwilling protector.

Jesse watched the weary woman as she stood against the doorframe looking as lost as Michael's slumbering figure. He knew she was having a hard time holding herself together and, despite everything she had insisted upon during the nine months that Michael had been absent, Jesse knew that she was definitely not over him.

Resting a hand onto her shoulder he squeezed his fingers gently and waited for her to respond to his touch. He knew she had been shaken by Michael's reaction tonight, they all had… but none of them had expected the once stoic Michael Westen to break into shuddering sobs the second he laid eyes on Fiona.

"Fi…" he started softly, hoping that his words wouldn't earn him a slap in the face. "You know he needs you right now…"

Instead of the answer he had been expecting, Jesse was taken aback when he heard her shuddering intake of breath. He knew out of all of them that Michael's absence had hit her the hardest. She had been heartbroken at first, crying at the drop of a hat, but then that heartbreak had turned into anger, only to be followed by bitterness. Jesse knew that Carlos entering her life was doomed to failure… as was every relationship as long as Michael was around. Despite insisting that the love she once had for Michael had gone, her actions tonight had proven otherwise.

"He slept with Sonya…" Fiona's voice was soft, devoid of any bitterness that Jesse would have expected. "It took me months to even think about sleeping with anyone else after him…but he just…"

"I'm sure he had his reasons, Fi," Jesse soothed, grateful that Fiona seemed to be preoccupied. "You know how important his mission is."

"Yeah, _his_ mission," Fiona chuckled humourlessly. "That's why he slept with me."

"Fi—"

"I was his asset once," she croaked, her voice breaking slightly as she spoke. "He slept with me to infiltrate the organization I was with. When I found out he'd been lying to me, I was already so…"

When her voice trailed away, Jesse resisted the urge to reach out and touch her. He knew what was going through her mind by the pain in her voice, but he knew he had to think of something to say that would somehow disperse her pain.

"Fi, you know that isn't all you were to him. Come on, even I can see how much the guy—"

"_No!_" she growled in a hissed whisper as she turned around to face him, challenge flaring in her eyes. "In all the years I've known him, he's never once told me he loved me. Why do you think that is Jesse?"

Jesse could feel his heart hammering in his ears and he wished that he had just walked away from this conversation while he'd had the chance. He didn't know what to say to her any more than Michael did. He didn't have the answers for her, but he knew that what he'd witnessed earlier were the actions of a man who was devoted and devastated all at the same time.

Michael whimpered in his sleep, taking Fiona's attention back to him. Jesse knew she was confused by Michael's actions. He just hoped that she would eventually give him a chance to explain.

"You should stay close," Madeline's voice gave Jesse the welcomed exit he'd been hoping for and he nodded his thanks to the woman who had come to stand by his side.

"I'm still here…" Fiona murmured, her voice awash with defeat as she leaned against the door frame again.

Stepping closer, Madeline smiled at Jesse who turned away to make his way out of the room. Her eyes took in Fiona's pale face and saw how the turmoil of the last few hours had affected her.

"You have to give him time, honey," Madeline told her knowingly as she turned to watch her slumbering son. "A man doesn't break like that in front of a woman unless he loves her."

Fiona swallowed hard as the images hit her like a thunderbolt. She'd never seen Michael react that way, not since he'd seen her in prison. Back then, that had been pure anguish on both of their parts. They had both lost each other and the absolute devastation had hit them both hard. What she had witnessed a few hours ago wasn't devastation or desperation, it was something else entirely. What Michael had displayed to her the moment he'd seen her face was grief… and when she'd witnessed him crumbling to his knees, she could feel every ounce of his pain, and it shook her to her very core.

"I don't know what to do, Madeline," she whispered helplessly. "I can't go back to how things were…"

"No one's asking you to, sweetheart," Madeline soothed. "But if you love him, then you have to show him. You have to give him something to fight for."

Shaking her head, Fiona swiped at her eyes and fought to control her breathing as she tried to avoid Michael's still form.

"I can't do this…" she croaked out, her voice catching in her throat. "I have to go—"

"Just stay until he wakes up," Madeline told her with a soft smile as she patted her arm. "I'll go and make us some tea."

"Madeline!" Fiona's voice came out as a squeak; her eyes pleading with the older woman even after she'd had turned away. "Made—"

"Fi-ona…"

The soft voice halted her in her tracks and she swallowed desperately at the tears that were threatening to spill over onto her cheeks. She couldn't do this anymore… she had a new life now, one that she'd wanted to have with Michael for so long… but—

"Fi…"

Fiona felt her resolve slipping when the man she had loved so deeply looked upon her with so much adoration in his eyes. Her heart ached and she was suddenly caught between running as far away as she could or staying to confront these conflicting emotions.

"Michael—"

"I'm so… sorry…" Michael's voice morphed into a sob as he tiredly held his hand over his face. He was desperate and distraught, constantly wishing that he could turn back time and take back all of the pain he'd caused her. Regrets were in large supply and he just wished he could have banished the pain he's seen emanating from her when he'd told her about Sonya. Swallowing hard, he lifted his hand away from his face to catch her gaze, hoping to see love in hers… but what he saw was someone who was completely devastated.

"What do you want me to say, Michael?" Fiona asked helplessly, her own eyes filling with tears. "What else is there to say?"

"There's… so much—"

"No…" Shaking her head in frustration, Fiona threw her hands in the air and moved towards him. "_You_ don't get to say it."

"I need you…" he told her as he struggled to move off of the couch only to fall back down again. "Fiona…"

Fiona could feel her determination fading with every passing second and, despite her better judgement, she knew that she couldn't leave him like this. Swallowing back the lump that had lodged in her throat, she found herself moving towards him to ease him back onto the couch.

"You need to rest," she soothed, hoping he hadn't heard the break in her voice. "Lie back down."

Michael watched her every movement as he did as she asked. Lying back against the cushions, he kept his eyes focused on her face as she lifted the flimsy blanket up and over his body. He tried to catch her gaze, but she was doing her best to avoid him and it was only when he caught hold of her hand that he realised she was just as fragile as he was.

"Fi…"

His touch rendered her powerless as she slowly lifted her eyes to his. She could already see fresh tears welling in his eyes as he whispered her name one more time. The sound of his voice almost broke her heart and she found herself sinking down onto the couch to perch beside him.

"I need you to close your eyes," she told him in a whisper as she tried desperately not to succumb to the familiarity of his touch. "Sleep…"

"I… I'm sorry…" Michael told her, keeping her hand firmly within his grasp. "Please believe me…"

Taking a breath, Fiona fought to remain in control of her tempestuous emotions as he rubbed his thumb over her skin. There was a time when the simplest of touches had the power to set her body on fire, but right now all his touch brought her was a reminder of the pain they had both been through.

"I believe you," she whispered, and part of her really did. "You should get some sleep now."

"I… need you…" he blurted suddenly, his voice desperate and broken as he fought with all of the images that bombarded his senses.

The shock in her eyes brought Michael's memories to spark in his mind. In his tortured, hallucinogenic state, she had appeared to him and portrayed the same look of disbelief as she was showing him now and he didn't know what to do.

"You don't need me, Michael," Fiona told him in a disconsolate whisper. "You've never needed me."

"I do," he insisted through another onslaught of tears. "I should have put you first… I should have listened to you…"

"Yeah," Fiona nodded, a wry smile lifting her lips. "But you didn't."

"Fi—"

"It doesn't matter now," she told him, her words breaking through his as she pulled away from him to get to her feet again. "It's in the past."

Fiona heard his sharp intake of breath and found her gaze once more drawn to his. The sadness in his eyes was more than she could bear and against her better judgement she bent forward to press her lips against his forehead, lingering there for a few seconds more than she'd intended. When she pulled away she couldn't help but smile when his eyes slipped closed.

She watched him for a long moment, the resolve in her heart slipping even further when she felt the love she still held for him burning its way through. Despite his confession about Sonya, she couldn't stop the feelings from emerging and it was in that moment she finally realized that maybe she never could. Moving away from him, she looked back one last time before she made her way towards the kitchen. She was torn between wanting to flee and needing to stay. She owed it to Carlos to end whatever this was that was keeping her here, but she didn't know if she could ever end it.

With a heavy sigh, she walked into the silence of the kitchen, ready to avoid all of the questions that she knew Madeline had lined up for her. But instead of talking, the older woman just smiled as she handed her a glass of iced tea.

"Drink your tea," she told her softly. "Sam will be here any minute."

"Madeline—"

Madeline turned around to face her and offered her a reassuring smile.

"I know, honey," she nodded. "He loves you too."

Fiona's eyes widened and her heart sprang into her throat; that was not what she had expected to hear. This whole thing was already messing with her head and now her heart refused to listen as well.

Lifting the glass to her lips, Fiona turned towards the window and leaned against the counter to look out into the cloudless sky. Life was about to get so much more complicated… she could feel it…

The End


End file.
